Alone in the woods

I remember growing up and always having a fear of being alone. I guess it came from being a little too sheltered and not having many friends until I was in High School. Maybe it was from not growing up with my mother and father, but instead my grandparents. My mother was always there for me, but I didnt live with her and I would cry everytime she left. That fear carried over into adult hood, in the form of just not wanting to be by myself. I have been the type to always have a "partner in crime" or a girlfriend.


Now that im single, I had to face that fear once again. My Ex-GF was my partner in crime. We did literally everything together. From being in ANQ, to church, to Radio, to damn near working for the same company. Well since all of that has changed, I have felt very alone lately. I felt as if life sucked, I didnt want to participate in anything and I just hated everybody.


Like Sam Cook said "Change Gone Come." I had a few conversations with my best friend Rock and my mentor Sam. I have to say that these dudes definitely helped me see the glass as half full. Rock helped me alot with my confidence, as I have always struggled with that. I cant lie and say that I didnt pick up alot of his swag, I definitely have. He also helped me to see what my own swag was. Sam broke it down into simple facts why Im actually a 'Hot Commodity." Im a single Black male, with a good job, no kids, and Christian. In reality, Im a needle in a haystack. I never really looked at it like that, I always focused on the fact that I'm overweight and it severely hindered me, in more ways than I know. Well now that im back in the gym, Im losing weight, I just got a personal trainer. As long as I can stick with it, the problem will be solved.


Rock told me that God is allowing me to do this so that I dont have anymore excuses as to why I dont serve him fully. Its to show me that my real problem, is not my weight but its my lack of confidence. Since I realized that, I have intentionally been working to overcome my fear. My fear of being alone was really a lack of confidence. Since I made that decision to be confident, I have to say there has been dramatic differences. People who I never thought noticed me have come up and said that I just look different. My frat bros tell me its as if a weight has been lifted off me. I definitely feel that way. I am focused on doing me right now and its probably the best decision I ever made.


Right now, my swag is ALL THE WAY TURNED UP. I have to be careful cause this can be addictive. Dont get me wrong, I love the attention that I'm getting from women nowadays, especially since it was never really like this. But I always try and use my good sense. I can say that Im definitely not taking things as serious as I use too. At first I was going way to hard and things just didnt work out. But now that I dont really try to hard, fish are biting and its crazy.

I def let it be known that I just had a bad breakup so Im not in the market for anything serious. Whats crazy about that is that seems to make them go a lil harder. Now I understand why they say nice guys finish last. Most women really dont want Mr. Right, they are just like men, and all they really want is Mr. RightNow, hoping he will be Mr Right in the future. Its all good though because I understand where that comes from. It comes from a lack of hope, hope that you will find someone who actually meets all the "standards" that you have. And after too many disappointments, your "standards" dwindle each time.

Now dont get me wrong, Im not out here "Gun Slinging" so to speak. Im just having conversation and such. There are some real Potentials but right now my heart is way to guarded to give it a serious look. I already know they say you shouldnt judge your next Car by the previous one but I think im good with a Rental right about now. Im taking this "Alone" time to focus on me. I guess I needed this time more than I knew.

I will admit, it does get lonely. But I just try and look at it as if I have alot of free time right now. I have more time to focus on my new radio station and my music. I will def say that im writing some of the best music I ever wrote right now. My mixtape will be crazy. "HipHop-Critical" will be out soon and I'm addressing everything thats going on with me. Just stay tuned.